She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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