Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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