it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
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i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
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Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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