I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Let's paint friendship bongs
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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