just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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