Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
