The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
