you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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