Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
