I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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