Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
