Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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