If that was your dad, he is hot
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
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