id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
