dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
