Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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