At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
