you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
