Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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