You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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