I'm jealous of your bromance
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
