I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
