you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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