he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
OPIZZABONMYDICK
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
