her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
there is glitter all over my balls
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
