Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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