My hair reeks of homosexuality.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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