is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
