Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
