Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
