...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Soap is not a condiment
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
