So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
