Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Randomize
