wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
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On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
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So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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