Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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