Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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