batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
