Soap is not a condiment
Quick, to the slutcave!
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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