"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
