Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
