Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
