Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
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Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
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I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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