the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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