I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
