she was so not down for the gang bang
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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