I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
