Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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