im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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