My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
