sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My vagina is very pro this idea
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
