Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
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