Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
