My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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