the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
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