god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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