i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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