fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
