sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
