he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
