She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
