The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
