dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
