did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
organizing the empties. That sober.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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