Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
