Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
They have beer where we have blood.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
