And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
