remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
When did angry sex become our thing?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
