this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
So much rum. So many feels.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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