Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
