Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
