Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
