So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
