batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
