Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
