I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
