she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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