I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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