Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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