you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
