You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Randomize
