yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
