finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Vodka?
Forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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