i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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