the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
