When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
