Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
