NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
